祂曾經說過，“讓小孩子到我這裡來，不要禁止他們，因為在神國的，正是這樣的人……”可惜的是，在這不知所謂而又滿是自我中心的世界裏面，人已經遺忘了“美麗”到底是什麼一回事。 對我來說，可能當人逐漸長大，越來越體驗到人的醜陋與虛假…… 甚至到能面對面地領會到自己的殘缺…… 一切一切讓我懂得欣賞小孩子的那份純潔與真誠。原來，他們就是在這墮落的世界上最無辜的受害者。 背景 在Crossroad Tabernacle 與 Christ City教會的“假期聖經學校”（VBS）所度過的五晚，真的讓我滿有啟發。透過“力量實驗室：領會耶穌神奇的力量”的一個項目課程，小孩子學習到耶穌怎樣給我們能感激的力量（路17:11-19，西3:15），勇敢的力量（太14:22-23，詩23:4），和永生的力量（徒2:1-47，可16:15）。這個並不是那種星期天，一家人手拖手上主日學的課程。大部分所出現的都是沒有父母跟隨著的小孩；他們就是那些在公寓裡跑來跑去，或許因父母的繁忙而經常被忽略的小孩（或被稱“街童”）。 反映 透過過去曾經祂給我的經驗，我大概知道我所要面對的會是什麼，可能每個小孩的背景會不一樣；某某的爸爸可能是個酒鬼，或某某的姊姊可能是個吸毒者，又再或可能某某的媽媽因為這個原因，那個原因，從來不在家…… 就算怎樣特別的背景，他們全部都有一個共通點：他們真的好需要愛。 如若真的要去領會那些小孩所需要愛的程度，我們一定要用心真實地去設想當中所包含的甜酸苦辣。的確，每一個人對自己所做的一切應有責任，但如若沒有考慮而只會片面地把“酒鬼”、“吸毒者”，或“罪犯” 標簽為“渣滓”、“社會敗類”、或“問題市民”，那真的是有點膚淺了吧。其實想深一層，也許他們內裡還有很多痛苦呢。 也許要考慮：祂未曾叫我們去審判或判斷別人；只是去愛吧。 我總是在想…… 這麼小的年紀，小孩子們能夠定義心中百感交集的情感嗎？例如：悲傷是什麼？歡樂時，真的會衷心、自然地笑出來的嗎？恐懼時，除了知道要馬上躲起來之外，還有什麼可言？看到爸爸醉了，睡著了，或媽媽好像永遠都不在身邊的時候，自己要懂得照顧自己外，還有什麼要想的？有什麼可以要求的呢？那些小孩每日所抱住的那份心情，對時常有父母在身邊的人來說，可能有點難以理解吧。 心碎 在其中的一堂課裡，一班二年及三年班的學生被問到，他們生命中最感激的是什麼。當一個又一個小孩喊出自己的答案其間，其中一個小女孩用她細小的聲音，跟我說了一個名字。不懂該怎樣回答的我，點了一下頭…… 然後她又反復地說同一個名字。最終我說了句，“嘩，那很好啊”。聽了之後，她的語氣變了，又說，“但她現在在監獄裡”。再次地，我啞口無言，無奈地只能嘆息…… 小女孩又再用哀傷的聲線說道：“但她現在在監獄裡”。 小女孩最喜歡的人，一位她最感激的人，在監獄裡。我在想，如若我最心愛的人不在我身邊，感覺會如何？如若我還是小孩子，誰會照顧我啊？ 至少，我還有耶穌。那小女孩還有誰？ …… 我相信Brenda老師也感到心碎了。在“耶穌給我們勇敢的力量”那堂課中，一個九歲的女孩跟她說她最大的恐懼是被強姦，因為她曾親眼見過有人被強姦。 當我聽到這件事情時，千千萬萬的問號在我腦海中浮現：她是在什麼環境之下而可能遇到這種事情？如若她的父母在身邊，她會恐懼嗎？還是他們不在身邊？還是她母親就是受害者？一個女人能怎樣對付一個比自己強壯的男人？她會內疚不能幫助那位受害者嗎？…… 而我又可以做到什麼呢？ …… Crossroad Tabernacle 的Cory牧師提到一個十分頑皮的小男孩，他老是惹麻煩。牧師跟他說，如果他不乖一點，他們就不會再讓他參加這個VBS了。小男孩聽到，就大哭。可能Cory牧師是對的，如若一個小孩平常的日子是在地獄般的環境裡度過，現在這麼短暫的一段在教會裡被人照顧的時光，可能對於他們來說，已算是天堂了。 …… 在我教其中一個手工勞作課程當中，一個一年班的小男孩不停地跑來跑去。本來對我來說是沒有問題的，直到另外一個小男孩來跟我投訴說，“他叫我閉嘴！”為此，我跟他們分析，“你為什麽這樣不尊重你的兄弟？你可以叫他安靜一些，現在向他道歉吧”。小男孩道歉，他們就都笑起來了。之後，想不到，他們更進一步：來了一招美國黑人哥們特有的握手儀式。竟然一起傻笑。 在那堂課結束後，當這小男孩開開心心地又再跑來跑去的時候，Cory牧師出現，把他拉到一旁，輕輕說了些什麼。小男孩開始大聲地哭，Cory牧師就把他帶出課室。 我在想，可能那個小男孩就是他曾提到的那個很麻煩的小朋友。如果就是他，我真的很感恩：那天他笑了，還認識了一個新朋友。 再次仰望 很多時候，好難記住他們每一張的小臉孔。實際上，除了一倆個，我根本搞不清誰是誰。大多數情況下，我只是和他們聊聊天，跟他們玩耍，或是幫他們做不同的手工和與聖經有關的作業。不知何時 —— 在我完全沒有概念之下 —— 祂利用每一個合其心意的機會，感動了每一個人的心。包括我的心。 在VBS最後幾個小時裡，幾乎所有小朋友都接受了耶穌。他們走到十字架下，和他們的組長及老師一起祈禱。 那我又做了什麼？ 什麼都沒有；只是真誠坦然地被主使用。 一點鼓勵 我們經常有很多原因而沒有把握機會去愛祂的人。這裡是一些我多年以來，親身經歷，掙扎過，而又從而學習到如何樂意遵行祂旨意的功課： 原因一：“太忙！” 曾經在Perspectives 課程中的一段錄像帶裡聽到：“一個人的信仰會決定他的生活方式”。也許，我們是真的需要定好自己生命的優先次序，然後真的用行動活出來。其實世上根本沒有忙與不忙這回事，概念只是在於“我認為這比那重要得多” 吧了。 原因二：“我不懂怎樣跟小朋友相處。” 說真的，我承認：我曾經是個很不喜歡小孩子的人，總是覺得他們又麻煩又吵鬧。透過時間，祂讓我明瞭，原來在祂眼中，我也是一個“小孩子”。如若祂也能容忍我，愛我這麼多，我為何不能同樣的對待那些比我更美麗而又純真的小孩子呢？當我衷心接受了原來自己也不過是個小孩的時候，那麼，要兩個小孩子好好相處，又有多難呢？實際上，跟小朋友在一起比跟大人相處更好啊! 原因三：“我沒有教書的才能。” 對祂來說，我們的能力只是虛無。這一切不是由你去決定，用你以為你所擁有的能力去成就什麼，其實只是單單定意被神使用。只為祂的榮耀。 ... “…Let the little children come to Me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these,” He once said. Indeed, the innocence of a child is one of the most beautiful things of this world; unfortunately, within this utterly self-centered, messed up world, we have forgotten what beauty is. Perhaps, as one gets older through the years and has continually experienced the fallen ugliness and hypocritical aspects of human beings… Or have even truly come face to face with one’s own brokenness… Every bit of it has taught me to appreciate the innocence that is within each child’s heart. The truth is, they are the most innocent victims within this fallen world. The Background The five nights that I have spent at Vacation Bible School (VBS) at Crossroad Tabernacle and Christ City Church have been inspiring. With the Power Lab – Discovering Jesus’ Miraculous Power program, children were taught the truth of how Jesus gives us the power to be thankful (Luke 17:11-19, Col 3:15), to be brave (Matt 14:22-33, Psalm 23:4), and to live forever (Acts 2:1-47, Mark 16:15). It is not a regular Sunday-school-type of program where families hold hands as they walk into the church. Most of the kids came without their parents; they are the ones that run around apartments and often are neglected by parents that are too busy or too burdened with their own lives and problems to take care of them. The Reflection Through previous experiences that He has given me, I somewhat had an idea of what I was getting into. Although every child’s background may be different in that one’s father might be an alcoholic, another’s older sister might be a drug addict, or yet another’s mother is literally never home doing who-knows-what, but they all do have one thing in common: they really need to be loved. In order to truly comprehend the degree of love that these children need, one must spend a day in their shoes; truly conceive or empathize the feelings and emotions that are involved. Although each individual has responsibility over one’s own action, it is shallow and insensitive to label alcoholics, drug addicts, or criminals merely as scum, trash, or problem-people without considering the circumstances and pain that often lay right beneath the surface. Consider: He never told us to judge; but only to love. I wonder… At such a young age, can such children define the mixture of emotions that they often go through? Questions such as: What is sadness? When you are happy, would a smile naturally appear upon your face? When you are afraid, other than out of instinct of needing to hide, what else is there to do? Or do you even know what to do? When daddy is drunk and has fallen asleep again or when mama is never around, other then knowing how to take care of yourself, what else is there to think about? What more is there to ask for? To the ones that grew up from a functional family, perhaps, the emotion that these children go through daily can be a little difficult to understand. Heartbroken During one of the lessons, a group of second and third graders was asked who and what they were most thankful for. While each child yelled out their answers, one little girl softly mumbled a name that I could not make out. Not knowing what to say, all I did was nod, in which she repeated herself a few more times with the same name. Finally, I acknowledged her by saying, “Wow, that’s good.” With that, her tone changed. She continued and said, “But she is in jail now.” Once again, dumbfounded, all I could say was, “Oh…” Then, she repeated again with sadness in her voice, “…But she is in jail now.” The child’s favorite person – the one that she is most thankful for – is in jail. I wonder, what would it mean to me if my most beloved is out of my sight? As a child, who else would care for me? At least, I would still have Jesus. Who does she have? … I believe Teacher Brenda was heartbroken too. During the Jesus gives us the power to be brave session, a nine-year-old girl told her that her biggest fear was that she would be raped, for she saw someone else raped in front of her. Thousands of questions ran through my mind when I heard it: What possible environment can she be in that she could have seen that? Why would she fear if her parents are there for her? Or are they not? Or were they the ones that she saw? What can a woman do against the physical strength of a man? Did she feel guilty that she could not help the victim? … I have no concrete answers. But I do feel gloomy afterwards. And what can I do about it? … Pastor Corey mentioned about a little boy that was nothing but trouble, in which he tried to straighten him out by telling him that if he would not start behaving himself, he would be sent home and would not be allowed to come back for VBS again. The boy cried his heart out. Perhaps Pastor Corey is correct, if a child lives in an environment that is close to being in hell, little “normal” environment such as being with caring people that are within the church can be like little moments of heaven to him. … A little first grade boy kept running around during one of the craft projects that I was leading. I had no problem with that until another little boy complained about him and said, “He told me to shut up!” To that I explained in front of the boys, “Now why do you got to go dissing another brother like that? You could have just told him to be quite; chill and say sorry.” The boy apologized and they both smiled. To my surprise, they went a step further; they did their little African American style of handshake and punches and started giggling. At the end of that session, as the little boy ran around the room some more yelling in joy, Pastor Corey came, pulled him aside and said something to him that was beyond my earshot. The boy started crying real loud and Pastor Cory pulled him out of the room. I thought, maybe that was the boy that he previously talked about being nothing but trouble. If he was, at least I am thankful – he laughed, giggled, and made a friend that day. In Awe of Him Again Often times, it is difficult to remember all their little faces. In fact, other than a handful of them, I hardly remember who is who; there were so many of them that I had no ability to tell them apart. In most cases, I merely chatted with them, played with them, or helped them with different craft or Bible related projects. Somehow – I have no idea how – HE used every opportunity available in which He must have seen fit in touching each of our hearts. Including mine. During the last hour of the VBS program, almost all the children accepted Christ. They went up to the altar and prayed with their group leaders and teachers. And what did I do? Nothing; merely be transparent and be used by Him. Encouragement Very often, we have thousands of reasons in not taking the opportunities to love His people. Here are some things that I learned throughout the years when it comes to embracing His Will, in which, I have struggled through every one of them previously: “Too busy!!!” – One of the videos from the Perspectives class mentioned: “What one believes decide how one lives.” Perhaps, we need to truly get our priority straight and live it out in action. There is no such thing as “too busy”, but only “I find this to be more important than that”. “I am not good with kids.” – Honestly, I confess: I used to hate kids; I found them annoying, loud, and messy. However, HE has shown me that I am a child of His as well. If He can put up with me and love me just as much, why can I not do so for the ones that are so much more beautiful than I am? As I found my child within, I have learned, I am still a child. And how difficult is it for one child to get along with another child? In fact, it is even better to be with a child than to be with an adult! ^____^ “I cannot teach.” – Our ability means nothing to Him. It is not for you to be using what you think you got, but merely to step up and be used. For His Glory. | 
